Buckets of Blood- True Blood Hitting the Ground (ep.7) Pro/Con
If blood flowed from the sky in this episode I wouldn’t be surprised. Just another day in my True Blood alternate universe. This episode was particularly gore-filled though, and action packed. The writers cut down on the sub-plots that they usually ask me to care about as they bend my arm behind my back and twist. Thank god I only had to follow four intertwined plotlines this episode and not twelve. The episode was largely focused on the Sookie hospital, van, bill situation, on Jason’s never-ending brain teasers, Sam’s descent into stereotyped hick hell, and Eric/Pam/Queen/ King/ Magister power plays. Seems like a lot, but there are less characters crying “Look at me! Look at me!” this episode and I’m glad for it. This season has been counting upon my short attention span to force my attention on a steadily growing cast of characters and caricatures or new mixtures of both. Honestly, I hope True Blood limits the plotlines for following episodes because I find it hard to care about anyone when so many people are vying for my interest/ and or sympathy. It’s hard to appreciate each individual character’s fucked up and twisted life when you have so many characters that you are in danger of losing track of them. Also the definition of fucked up is escalated in degrees of fucked and up by the season. Anyway what I am trying and failing to say is that this episode was largely a good one for me, not as funny as episode 5 ( remember Jason’s office antics, he was adorable, wasn’t he? Oh yeah stay on the subject…), but a whole lot more interesting. Here are my pros and cons.
Con- Sookie being tough. I admit she is funny when she’s trying to be tough but also a bit pathetic. In this case, she tells Lorena that she’s the bitch who’s going to kill her and five seconds later she looks scared to actually kill her. Sookie, please make up your mind!
Con- People, or specifically Lorena, Maryann, and King Russell, stop acting so terribly perplexed and asking Sookie- “What are you?” She obviously doesn’t know yet because the True Blood train still has more fucked up tracks to run through. Also she’s a twit.
Pro- Lorena’s death. Not the fact that she died- I, unlike most people, really liked her and wished that she could continue to ruin Bill’s life for a few more seasons- but the way that she died. Her demise was melodramatic and violent just like her character. Also True Blood built up to her death nicely and it wasn’t a sudden blow, they didn’t take my Lorena from me before I knew that she would die or before I was emotionally ready for it. She was already on her way out, her relationship with Bill had reached its psychological and physical sado-masichistic climax. I liked the way that Lorena finally succumbed to Bill, gave him what he wanted, freed him. She laid out her arms in a martyr-like way, she stopped her futile resistance, she died in Bill’s arms. It obviously wasn’t that romantic, Bill held her down for the staking, but it was as romantic as those two would ever get. You could see that she truly loved Bill, but never knew how to show that love properly. She’s basically a woman who loved someone who would never love her back. And who doesn’t sympathize with that? The only difference between the regular viewing female audience and Lorena is that she’s willing take her obsession to the furthest extremes of depravity and pain.
Con- Sookie, you wouldn’t know love if it kicked you in the two front teeth!
Pro- Bill’s blood bath. It was so very bloody. TB never spares an expense on the red goo. Good going. Also notice that Lorena is now not only in Bill, but all up on him too. Everywhere. Disgusting? Probably.
Con- Alcide you’re being way too casual for the situation. Werewolves are going to come here and we’re going to die! Should’ve been a bit more emphatic about that. If I were you, I’d of marched on sookie, and dragged her lovelorn idiot ass out of that bloody dungeon. Dude wth? Tara’s level of panic is way more appropriate for the circumstances.
Pro- Debbie Pelt, you are more than qualified to take over the psychotic female role for Lorena. There are more pros in your short time on screen this season, this episode, than Sookie has had in all three seasons! Skanky, dirty, drug addicted, broken-hearted, confused bitch I salute you! Vampire burrito? That outfit? You are a winner dear. Also, I honestly feel that deep down, very deep down, somewhere in that sunken cracked out body of yours beneath that smeared make-up, you are a decent and vulnerable person. People don’t treat you right! TB nice going with the inner Debbie dialogue, and the baby back story. Very effective.
Pro- Sam’s fake ass southern drawl that he saves up specifically for those occasions when he “loves him sum haahhh staakks gamblin’”. This scene would have been incredibly stupid, but thanks to some high quality acting on Sam Trammel’s part, it’s acceptable. At first the voice is funny, but then it inexplicably turns you on (ok me on). I found myself wishing that this was the voice Sam used in the bedroom, because it was so low sweet and sexual. You dawwwg!
Pro- Talking about sexual voices, I melted just like Debbie when Alcide said “You loved me once” and finished off with “Sorry”. His voice is not just a low, growling, sexual thing… it can also be extremely tender. I’m not a fan of the overly sculpted pecks, and abs but I love your voice Joe Manganiello.
Con- I love Debbie. But when she really means something. She….. talks…. Like…. This…!
Pro- Jason, despite your tiresome storyline, I know that I still love you. It’s not your fault baby. You manage to put a smile on my face regardless of whether I’ve just seen werewolf road kill or a terrifying escape from a vampire dungeon. I agree ‘this week ain’t done shit for me yet’ either, but you just brightened my day you depressed, head scratching, adorable moron.
Pro- Summer, you are a minor character but you sure do stand out. Maybe I’m wrong, but I love the way the actress plays this cartoonish blonde southern biscuit baking homemaker. You expertly play the wholesome church going girl who seems just a little manipulative and dirty below the surface. “I really want you to taste my biscuits”, anyone?
Pro- Jason’s reaction to Summer’s plump biscuits.
Con- Eric please change your shirt! It was nice at first, but now its time to take it off. Really. That’s enough.
Pro- Alex Skarsgard’s acting. “ Like I can trust you?” he says as he pinches together his brow in a challenging dramatic angry way. Also how the hell does Alex make those grunt- heavy exhale- slurping noises simultaneously? It’s highly unnerving. However, I prefer his combination of heavy breathing and slurping to Bill’s, it’s more appealing somehow. Don’t ask me why. Also “mmm, mmm, mmm. I’ll give her three stars.” This makes my eyes bulge out from incredulity, and also laugh from absurdity at the same time.
Con- Eric wipe your mouth! Why are vampires such messy eaters? I don’t get it. They are supposed to ooze sophistication and “I am better and more advanced than you” smugness, but then they all go and walk around with their faces smeared in their last meal? Come on! It doesn’t fit. Also, Eric kind of looks like the vampire version of a disheveled drag queen in this scene. At least try to keep the blood lip-gloss within the lines of the mouth. Ok, thank you.
Pro- Eric gently cupping Hadley’s breast (to support her frail little blood drained body?) as he moves in close to have her whisper Sookie’s secret in his ear. Followed by him letting her feed from him as he cradles her? Perfect combination of menacing and tender in my opinion. Perfect illustration of Eric’s contradictory character. Also, kind of makes me want to be her. Weird? Yeah definitely. Also, nice job to the true blood crew for getting those awesome angles on Eric in this scene.
Con/Pro- Try to relax? Are you serious Alcide? Wow you are one cool cowboy then. Followed by Tara’s super nervous exhale. Yeah I feel you sister. Me too. Meanwhile, suckling vampire baby Bill interjects this exchange by drinking Sookie to death. I guess I’m expected to be upset by this, but I have very little sympathy for Sookie these days. She’s a tiresome cow to use Bill’s expression. All I get from this animalistic murder scene is the thought, “Shit I’m glad that’s not me.” Also Sookie, where are your ultra-violet radiation fingers when you need them?
Pro- Meth- addict in jail when he says, “ That asshole is my…!” In my mind I screamed out brother. That means Crystal is engaged to her cousin. Hurray for more redneck stereotypes. Now where’s Eric to beat the shit out of some brother-cousins?
Pro- Jason’s interrogation techniques. He plays the almost cop/ endearingly idiotic cop routine well.
Pro- True Blood at its finest. Alcide stops his high-speed murder spree getaway car to take a leak. His brief respite is interrupted by the reveal of a half-dead Sookie in the back of his van. Tara you should have let him finish.
Pro- Bill’s entire reaction to seeing the supposed love of his vampire life lying motionless next to him. I like how he plaintively says he can help and asks what happened. Then Tara (in an ultimate display of over-acting) kicks him out of the van. Bill seems unharmed by the sun. Then he looks up, is like ‘oh shit the sun’, then he’s like ‘huh?’, then he’s like ‘WTF??’, then he starts to slightly steam instead of broil. The van drives away with the dying Sookie, and all Bill has to say about that is ‘Damn’. Mostly because he’s trapped in the sun I think. Nice reaction to Sookie, Bill. It really seems like you love her. I’ll attribute his whole response to confusion. And don’t worry Bill you’re not alone. I feel you. Honestly, sometimes it’s like Sookie does this shit to herself. Keeping her out of harm’s way is like trying to cross the intersection with two five year old children in tow. You have to keep a tight grip on their tiny balled fists or else they’ll run straight into oncoming traffic.
Pro- Dramatic plunge of Tara and Sookie into darkness. I know its contrived terror, but it’s still terror.
Pro- Another classic TB moment: Sam is a bulldog, then Sam is his naked man self with a dog chain hanging around his neck, holding the dog leash in his hands Sam knocks out the overalled hick who was leading him to a cage. This kind of scenario fills me with glee. Where else can I see this sort of madness? Only on True Blood.
Pro- Nonchalance of the hospital staff. “Pressure’s good.” Oh woops “ she’s starting to seize.” Both my parents are hospital workers and I can testify to the fact that this scene may not have been realistic medically but it was realistic when it captured the rather indifferent attitude of the staff.
Pro- Tara asking the doctor if she checked Sookie’s blood type first before she gave her the transfusion. Rutina, you can really capture Tara sometimes, if not always.
Con- Alcide’s flair for the obvious. Yes, Alcide, everyone does have a blood type. And yes, we had better hurry the fuck up when a pack of crazed werewolves is chasing after us!! What, out of line? Sorry.
Con- Tara’s phonecall… Does no one change their damn bloody shirts on this show??? Is too much money going on the fake blood, to spend any on wardrobe changes?
Pro- Sam turning into the Dog Whisperer/ Dr.Dolittle
Pro- Sam being a general badass and calling Jo Lee a scared man in saggy underpants! Amen! Someone had to say it.
Pro- Tommy Micken’s wide-eyed vulnerable fear. True Blood really is very good at casting the right people to play the right parts.
Con- Jason, you’ve cut yourself with power tools? Holy shit!
Con- Sookie’s mysterious birth origins. Cue the twilight zone/lifetime movie music!
Pro- Jason being the one telling about Sookie’s mysterious birth origins. And Lafayette’s puppy dog bewildered eyes. Also Jason’s single salty “I am actor!” tear.
Con- Am I watching a bad soap opera?
Pro- “I fucking need you.” “I fucking need you too.” “Don’t cuss around her.” Nope, still watching true blood, thank goodness.
Con- Huge con. Sookie’s sparkling lemonade commercial from the 90’s/ LGBT Labor Day pride parade. And why do people have such lame dialogue in fairy heaven? Combine this with random M. Night Shamalanesque British woman and interpretive dance, and it’s so bad, that it’s bad. Sorry true blood, something can be too campy. “Do not fear the water?” “The dark approaches” really? Really? Also I know subtlety is not True Blood’s strong point, but did Bill really have to enter the room, when the woman said the dark approaches? Ugh. Also “he will steal your light? Don’t let him take it from you?” Do you mean her microwave fingers, or her virginity? Because he already took that.
Pro/Con- Sookie’s coma dream is interrupted by Lafayette’s super-epic Inuit monologue. I love you Lafayette, out of so many great characters you continue to be one of my favorites. I don’t know about anyone else, but I thought his monologue was beautiful and meaningful and so was the delivery. Too bad almost the whole thing was given away from the stupid promos. I could have enjoyed it more Alan Ball if you didn’t give it all away to make a cool promo!!!
Pro- Apparently, you can do anything in this fucking hospital. Even give vampire transfusions if you feel like it. No one will come to investigate why you replaced the blood drip.
Con- Bill looks like a nasty rodent when he bites himself. Must recoil.
Pro- Sam and Tommy’s “What the fuck did we do?” moment.
Pro- Pam is one big pro all the time. Compared to her everyone on this show is a bitch, even her maker Eric. Did you see how Bill squealed under torture? How Eric coughed up a hairball from all those silver chains in season 2? No not Pam. She’ll even humor you if you want to stick Tiffany’s earrings through her eyes. You are my strong female role model Pam. Also plus one for the now “truly” dead magister for saying “ I sent one of my minions to Tiffany’s.” I liked the over the torture table chit-chat about female jewelry preferences. True Blood knows its audience well.
Con- Sookie your screeching is the only thing on the show that truly sends a chill down my spine. Chill the fuck out. It’s only the guy who almost killed you a few hours ago.
Pro- The king’s dialogue. All of it. Also the head thrown backward silent half cackling thing you do so well. Menacing and creepy.
Pro- Unceremonious vampire dungeon wedding. Eric and Pam’s congratulations topped it off.
Pro- The King’s Sookie-esque carbon dating sense of smell.
Pro- Whatever the hell the King said so beautifully in Andalucion. Also the “whatever”.
Con- True Blood’s signature strain of comedic violence. It freaks me out that I can watch this kind of thing. Usually, decapitation and head spinning gore-tastic gymnastics would freak me the fuck out. I flinched this time. But only mildly. TB what have you done to me?!
Pro- the queen reaction to the spinning head.
I’ll treat this blog as a diary with no privacy. So most of the time I’ll just be writing about my day and the ever swirling bullshit in my head. Right now I’m in a harry potter frenzy. Or rather a harry potter downward spiral. Harry Potter and the Mental Quicksand (impressed by my wit, are you? How about Harry Potter and the Vortex of Doom, or Harry Potter and Alice’s Rabbit Hole? The last one sounded a bit pornographic, I know). What happened, is I saw the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Double Feature trailer and immediately needed more Harry. I’d been off Harry for some time, because the seventh book had pissed me off (I’ll get to that later) and the sixth film failed to live up to my enormous expectations. Essentially, Harry Potter hadn’t lit my fire in a long time. But that was before I came upon the trailer through my usual stalker-friendly facebook feed. One thing led to another, and I found myself digging out HP7 from my shelves and caressing it fondly.
I set out to read the seventh book again. The first time I read it, I enjoyed it almost the whole way through. And then J.K. Rowling stepped on my dreams and killed all of my romantic(in the literary sense) notions about the series. I’d been reading the books since the third grade, when Harry Potter’s dimly lit world of wonder and near-fatal adventures had gripped my imagination. Reasonably, I expected Harry’s fantasmagorical coming of age story to end with a bang, not a whimper. I felt as if the magic bus I’d been riding for more than half of my life had spluttered to a stop instead of launched into the sky like ET on that bike. J.K. Rowling ruined seven years of Hogwarts, in a seven page epilogue. I’d accepted the fact that Harry Potter was a Jesus messiah figure, after he was resurrected( even though I did feel a little cheated out of an epic greek tragedy) and I took Molly Weasley’s “Bitch, not my daughter” remark in stride. I even kept dissapointment at bay as the all-powerful sociopath Voldemort was finally killed in one of the most anti-climactic scenes I’d ever read ( the dialogue between Harry and Voldy was inexplicably cheesy and lame ex: harry says at one point “try for some remorse, Riddle”, really Harry?? really?) I felt a shred of hope for the conclusion of the series as I turned to the epilogue, and then nothing. Harry, the savior, the extraordinary chosen one, is now a middle aged Daddy and I have to read about his beyond predictable son, Albus Severus. I stuffed the seventh book, and my feelings of outrage and disgust into a drawer. It was betrayal.
But now that I’d seen the very epic looking HP7 trailer, I decided to read the book again and give it another shot. The epilogue had nearly made me forget that about 3/4th’s of the deathly hallows was actually intense, dramatic, and awesome all around. On the second read, I appreciated the story much more and I even noticed quality prose now and again. I particularly enjoyed the chapters where Harry visited his parents’ graves and had a horrific encounter with Bathilda Bagshot (or rather Bathilda’s snake encasing corpse). There were many moments where Harry’s teenage angst became something more like existential crisis, and I loved it. The second time around I avoided the epilogue and felt better. Ignorance is bliss, and if you can’t manage outright ignorance then delusion will do. In my mind Harry died, and I mourned for him.
Anyway, I’d seen the HP7 trailer, read the HP7 book and it all went down hill from there. I was hooked again. For me, Harry Potter re-obsession is similar to what I imagine drug-relapse to be. I wasn’t halfway done with the seventh book and already I needed Harry Potter paraphenilia. I searched the internet for Harry Potter 7 stills, desktop images and illustrations. Videos. Facebook fanpages etc. I even looked at the new Harry Potter theme park website. But I will never go there, because I know it will dissillusion me more than the epilogue ever could. So you can see, Harry Potter mania is a something of a black hole. Your mind is spaggetified and escape is impossible.
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